Honestly. If you'd rather I slit my wrists and be done with it, I could manage that just as easily, but I think you've learned the wisdom of abducting two children to embark in some ill-conceived gladiatorial endeavor, so I'd thank you to give up the ghost, now!

[Their smile is unchanging the entire time as they smack the door with the butt of their palm a few more times, experimentally.]