[ there's something dangerous in holding eddie's hand like this right now without any artifice behind it, without any challenges or stupid games that he's concocted as a desperate excuse to get eddie touching him for five minutes of his own volition. it's dangerous, yes, but with part of his mind still stuck fast back in that arcade in derry he can't bring himself to pull away from the grounding feeling of eddie's skin against his own.
instead, he squeezes back, let's the moment linger between them for as long as it possibly can.
richie... isn't sure how he feels about bowers being the one to break eddie's arm instead. whether he feels less or more guilty for the cause to have just been another fucking kid (and sure, bowers was a big kid, and fucking crazy to boot, but still just a kid in the end) instead of some immortal demon clown living in a crackhouse. whether it even really mattered, since he hadn't been there to stop it happening to eddie in either instance.
what he does know is that he doesn't like eddie complimenting him like this, like he'd done anything right back in neibolt, instead of leaving eddie alone to get hurt and letting his fear over the whole thing turn him angry and mean with bill after. he hadn't been able to think back then, had been so sure they were all going to die, and had just wanted... wanted eddie to not have that fucking clown be the last thing he was looking at if that was the case.
and maybe eddie had deserved better than his face being the last thing he saw instead, but he just hadn't known what else to do. ]
I... [ he chokes on his words, has to duck his head down and stop looking at eddie for a moment (as much as even that brief stretch of time hurts) to pull himself together enough to push through the overwhelming emotions that memory is waking up in him all over again. guilt and fear and love and sheer paralyzing hopelessness.
all things that had been working through his head and heart while he'd carved his and eddie's initials onto the kissing bridge with a frantic devotion that had left his fingers full of splinters. ]
You never should have gotten hurt in the first place. We... we knew better than to go off alone but It still managed to separate us. _-we still left you alone. [ his voice drops softer, a full whisper now that does nothing to disguise the stark terror in his voice as he continues. ] It always gets us when we're alone.
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instead, he squeezes back, let's the moment linger between them for as long as it possibly can.
richie... isn't sure how he feels about bowers being the one to break eddie's arm instead. whether he feels less or more guilty for the cause to have just been another fucking kid (and sure, bowers was a big kid, and fucking crazy to boot, but still just a kid in the end) instead of some immortal demon clown living in a crackhouse. whether it even really mattered, since he hadn't been there to stop it happening to eddie in either instance.
what he does know is that he doesn't like eddie complimenting him like this, like he'd done anything right back in neibolt, instead of leaving eddie alone to get hurt and letting his fear over the whole thing turn him angry and mean with bill after. he hadn't been able to think back then, had been so sure they were all going to die, and had just wanted... wanted eddie to not have that fucking clown be the last thing he was looking at if that was the case.
and maybe eddie had deserved better than his face being the last thing he saw instead, but he just hadn't known what else to do. ]
I... [ he chokes on his words, has to duck his head down and stop looking at eddie for a moment (as much as even that brief stretch of time hurts) to pull himself together enough to push through the overwhelming emotions that memory is waking up in him all over again. guilt and fear and love and sheer paralyzing hopelessness.
all things that had been working through his head and heart while he'd carved his and eddie's initials onto the kissing bridge with a frantic devotion that had left his fingers full of splinters. ]
You never should have gotten hurt in the first place. We... we knew better than to go off alone but It still managed to separate us. _-we still left you alone. [ his voice drops softer, a full whisper now that does nothing to disguise the stark terror in his voice as he continues. ] It always gets us when we're alone.