bolstafir: (pic#13949422)
qrow branwen. ([personal profile] bolstafir) wrote in [community profile] soddersays 2020-09-04 02:49 am (UTC)

a is for are u ready for pain

[It's a surreal moment, when Qrow sees that face again. At first, he's certain he's mistaken; he follows the man as he wanders, shambling forward like a man possessed just to get a better look at him. Qrow doesn't call out, voice suddenly gone from his throat entirely as he just ... walks. It'd be easier to fly, but he forgets he can in these moments, too fixated on trying to get a look at his face.

At some point, his effort is rewarded as Ozpin stops, marveling at some strange aspect of Deerington or another, and Qrow stares no more subtly at the man, suddenly unsure he's not hallucinating.

For a moment, there's a naked vulnerability in his expression, a soul-deep grief for this man who was everything to him, once upon a time. No matter how angry he is, this is still the man who saved his life, more literally than he'll ever know. This is the man that gave him a reason to get out of bed every day for twenty years, especially in the darkest days when he felt like his existence was nothing but a drain on everything he cared about. He still had a role to fulfill, then, something he could do that mattered.

Except it didn't, in the end. None of it mattered. He was nothing but another tin soldier, fodder for the cannons in a war that had no end. He was worthy to lay his life down for the cause, but he wasn't worthy of trust. What was twenty years to a man who couldn't die, after all?

That wounded expression of Qrow's turns to a scowl as he realizes something, then.]


Ugh, this again? What the hell is this damn place's obsession with ghosts?

[He wrenches his gaze away from the vision, teeth grit and fists clenched ... but he can't bring himself to walk away from it, either. Because he's been festering in all of his pain, his betrayal, his fear -- for so long, and he couldn't unburden himself on Ruby or Yang or Oscar -- and Clover didn't know the truth about Salem. That was Ruby's decision in Atlas, and he respected it. He's used to bearing burdens on his own, managing the risks that come with his existence and keeping just the right amount of distance to keep his loved ones safe. But it turns out coping with your feelings is a lot more complicated when you choose to throw away the crutch you've been leaning on for over a decade, and he's been especially raw since Ruby's death.]

.....Brothers, you're such an asshole, you know that? Do you have any idea what we've been through since you left? You know we had to fight the entire damn Atlas military to get your stupid relic to safety? You know how many times we almost died?

[His entire frame shakes from the weight of everything he's been trying to hold inside for months, and he looks less a hardened, veteran huntsman in this moment and more the lonely child Ozpin took under his wing, all those years ago.]

I gave my whole life to you! I dragged Ruby into this, because of you! Ruby, after everything we went through with Summer! There hasn't been a body in that grave for--for over a decade, and you didn't ever think I deserved to know what I was really fighting? What I was ready to die for?

[He goes eerily silent, then...that rage seeming to burn itself out as quickly as it ignited and leaving him spent. His head hangs, eyes shadowed with misery.]

Did you ever really care about any of us? ...I guess I'll never know now.

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