[ Whatever he is and whatever he's done, when Cas starts explaining - after he's topped up on that self-deprecation - he looks up. He'd sent Cas to his death, and he owns that. Takes responsibility for it. Back then it had been the only plan he'd got to work the situation into something that they might actually win.
He knows that doesn't happen now.
So what he's looking at is confirmation that he's not fit to lead. His jaw tightens, and for once he doesn't know what to say. Where to start. Maybe once upon a time he'd just tell Cas that they'd failed. But the truth is he knows the only person to blame is himself. Cas hadn't failed anything. Ever. But he'd stopped asking for anything from Cas a long time ago. Stopped letting anybody in because that was a distraction. And when had letting people in ever ended up in anything other than being left alone or the people around him dying? In the end, he'd stopped caring about anything beyond keeping the people in the camp alive and killing Lucifer. Maybe then he'd find a way out too. Peace. Something like it. Not that he deserved it.
There's no part of him that's surprised that Cas took out their people quick. Spared them the suffering that Dean couldn't. Or wouldn't. ]
You did what you had to do. [ What I made you do. ]
cw: suicide ideation
He knows that doesn't happen now.
So what he's looking at is confirmation that he's not fit to lead. His jaw tightens, and for once he doesn't know what to say. Where to start. Maybe once upon a time he'd just tell Cas that they'd failed. But the truth is he knows the only person to blame is himself. Cas hadn't failed anything. Ever. But he'd stopped asking for anything from Cas a long time ago. Stopped letting anybody in because that was a distraction. And when had letting people in ever ended up in anything other than being left alone or the people around him dying? In the end, he'd stopped caring about anything beyond keeping the people in the camp alive and killing Lucifer. Maybe then he'd find a way out too. Peace. Something like it. Not that he deserved it.
There's no part of him that's surprised that Cas took out their people quick. Spared them the suffering that Dean couldn't. Or wouldn't. ]
You did what you had to do. [ What I made you do. ]
How bad are they? Your wounds.