[ Stopping at Cas' feet again, Dean says nothing at all. He knows the truth. He knows he's headed back home to die at the hands of Lucifer. He knows he doesn't succeed and he knows, without a shadow of a doubt, that Cas? Cas died for nothing. It hurts so deeply that he doesn't trust his voice to work, doesn't want to even try speaking because his throat is tight and his chest aches in a way that it hasn't since Sam died all those years ago and he made that goddamn deal.
After everything they've given. After everything he's given up. After Cas giving his life for their mission... it all came to nothing. And he'd tried to work past it, had gotten to a point where maybe he thought he'd found a purpose here, something he could do that wouldn't leave him in the darkness of that reality. But here? Right now? He's drowning in it.
Silence reins, heavy and thick, and all he can do is push the glass of water he went to get for the painkillers into Cas' hands and drops to a crouch again, systematically picking up the suture kit where he'd left off. His teeth are aching from how hard he's got them clenched, how tight he's having to keep his mouth shut to avoid making a sound at all. ]
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After everything they've given. After everything he's given up. After Cas giving his life for their mission... it all came to nothing. And he'd tried to work past it, had gotten to a point where maybe he thought he'd found a purpose here, something he could do that wouldn't leave him in the darkness of that reality. But here? Right now? He's drowning in it.
Silence reins, heavy and thick, and all he can do is push the glass of water he went to get for the painkillers into Cas' hands and drops to a crouch again, systematically picking up the suture kit where he'd left off. His teeth are aching from how hard he's got them clenched, how tight he's having to keep his mouth shut to avoid making a sound at all. ]