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JULY TEST DRIVE MEME

JULY 2020 TEST DRIVE MEME

Welcome to July's Test Drive Meme! This month's Test Drive's theme is: JUDGEMENT HORROR.

All Test Drive Memes contain at least one clue to the Deerington's upcoming in-game events for the month! Keep your eyes peeled! But...not literally.

Characters may die during TDMs, but you do not need to count it towards a game-canonical death unless you want to. Consider it a freebie. All TDMs can be considered game canon as TDMs introduce minor aspects about the world of Deerington that can be revisited by characters later on in the game. You may also use TDMs for your application writing sample as well as AC.

CW: Violence, possible gore, intense nightmares, possible death, religion, slow suffocation, melting skin, throat trauma, fire
Don't forget to tag content whenever necessary. Have fun!

Prompt One
Prompt Two
Prompt Three
Character Arrival
Master Navigation

STICKS AND STONES

Anyone who has been to school in Deerington likely knows about the possessed bathroom walls by now. The writing blasting your deepest and darkest fears, your best kept secrets, always manifesting the worst parts of yourself. It starts off slow, and grows, and grows... Anyone who looks at the wall only sees rumors about themselves, usually, but lately, people have started to be able to see rumors being written about other people. The writing slowly starts to leak out of the bathroom, starting to spread on the school walls and lockers. Eventually, it starts to spread out into the town itself.

Writing and drawings start to show up around town. It seems like they're exposing peoples worst memories, their darkest actions, but anyone who reads the writing about themselves will see that Deerington has taken a few liberties to make it seem even worse. Did you kill someone in self-defense? The wall will describe how you did it in cold blood. Or maybe you accidentally broke someone's heart? Everyone will read how you manipulated, lied, and destroyed the emotions of an innocent person. Eventually, it will start to make things up that may have never actually happened, but when it's mixed in with all the stories that hold a grain of truth, how can anyone tell the difference?

People will find themselves compelled to believe the rumors, no matter how well they know the person they're written about. Some people might even find themselves tempted to add to the rumors with writings of their own.

You can not scrub the writing off the wall, but it can be covered up or scratched out by markers and paint. The rumors will just write themselves back in within 24 hours, but at least you might be able to stop people from seeing the worst bits about your personality if you're quick enough.

MAY BREAK MY BONES

People will start to find themselves getting exceptionally tired as of late. Even those who don't normally sleep, or normally can't physically sleep, will still find themselves drifting off into whatever equivalent their body can manage. Maybe you curl up on the sofa for a little nap or you're crawling into bed at the end of a long day or you could even just stretch out in the park to get a little shut eye.

No matter where or when you fall asleep, it will be extremely restless. Nightmarish, even.

You "wake up" in a room with a large climbing wall in front of you and nothing but darkness underneath. You aren't alone; the person beside you seems to have just woken up here as well. Maybe it's a friend, maybe it's a stranger, but you're both going to want to take in your surroundings before you get to any kind of chit chat. You can tell you're dreaming, but it all feels, looks, and smells so real. The scent of rust, metal, and blood fill your senses to an overwhelming degree. If you usually rely on powers, you'll find that they aren't working here. You'll also find out quickly just how mortal you may have become.

The large wall is littered with traps. Spikes that shoot out of the wall, ready to skewer the unfortunate person in front of them. Large bear traps will snap shut, just the right height to cut off a persons head at the neck. Random large bouts of fire and sudden puffs of acidic gas that can melt skin. It's hard to tell what triggers each space or if it's entirely random, but you'll need to move quickly in order to avoid all the death traps that are awaiting you.

Especially once the wall starts to deteriorate in front of you. You have to start climbing. Now. You have to move quickly to avoid the wall falling apart while you're climbing it. If it catches up to you, you'll fall into the darkness below, eventually hitting the sharp rocks at the bottom. If you get injured by one of the traps, you'll find that you can really feel it. You'll bleed the same way you would have if you had been injured in real life— even if you don't normally bleed or feel pain at all.

If you climb fast enough and make it to the top of the wall, there will be a door waiting for you. Walk through and you'll wake up wherever you fell asleep. If you sustained any injuries, you'll find that they've been reflected on your body. Hopefully they weren't fatal. Those who don't have human bodies will still find gashes in their bodies where the injuries may have been sustained in their dreams.

Should you die in the dream? You'll die in real life. The body of someone who dies within the dream will suddenly convulse before turning to the same purple dust that all the other bodies in Deerington do before they're reincarnated a week later.

BUT WORDS STILL HURT LIKE HELL

Sometimes when you wake up from your nightmare realms, you won't be in your bed or on your couch. You'll find instead that you're stuck in a confessional booth, even if it means you've been resized to fit in the small space. There's someone on the other side of the screen, but it's not a priest; it's another Sleeper. You're both trapped, the doors refusing to open, and no amount of physical strength or destructive power will make a dent on the walls. The only way out... is to confess.

And you can't just confess any old thing; it has to be something that has been weighing on your mind for some time. Maybe a memory that fills you with guilt, or admittance to an unrequited love, or a deep desire to hurt someone... Anything that's been keeping you up at night, causing tension inside of you. It's your chance to really get things off your chest.

The longer you take to confess, the more dangerous things will become. The air seems to be slowly being sucked out from the confessional booth, slowly suffocating whoever is sitting inside. Even if you don't normally rely on air, you'll start to find yourself choking. It's like your very life force is being sucked out of you. The more you talk, the easier it becomes to breathe, and once you've both finished? The doors will simply unlock.

When you exit the booth, you'll find yourself inside the Deerington church. Turn around and you'll find there is no booth in sight. Guess it's time to just head home.

Character Arrival

You can read how all characters arrive in Deerington here.

There is not a collective "all these characters showed up at the exact same moment" occurrence in Deerington. Since characters fall asleep, die, or pass out at various times throughout all their worlds, it wouldn't make too much sense if they arrived in game all at the exact same time. There should be some discrepancy between character arrival, whether by a couple minutes, hours, or even days up to a week.

The players are entirely in control of how/when they want to play their characters arriving in Deerington. For TDMs, you can play it like your character has just arrived and that can be maintained as your game canon, or you can wait until game events for that moment. Or you don't need to acknowledge it at all. The flexibility for character allows a bit more of an organic feel to the character arrival situation, so please play it to whatever feels right for you.

If you are interested in having an "arrival" introduction for one of your TDM prompts, you are more than welcome to explore that option.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[He flinches, wondering at first if she's indirectly calling him weird. Then letting go of that fear and shaking his head.]

No, not at all. It feels nice.

[Wait. Now he's said something strange. Rewind;]

I mean, it sounds nice. I don't normally address people this way... It's not bad, though. It makes it feel like we could be friends..?

[He's checking her face for any sign that he's gone too far. Inaba seemed quite guarded earlier, so he wasn't expecting her to suggest something so friendly. Atsushi still worries that he might trigger a negative reaction from her. Maybe saying that was too bold of him?]

Oh -

[ And it's right there that she has to stop herself and immediately look away to make sure that she can hide the flush of her cheeks. ]

No, that - we can't -

[ Her voice is slightly strained, even as there's an edge of hope there. Even though she does say 'we', the implications are more about herself.

"I can't be your friend.

It will only hurt." ]

[And there it is; A reality check. Atsushi is disappointed, but not surprised. They have only just met, after all, and their first meeting was 'uncomfortable' at best.

Atsushi forces a smile, not wanting Inaba to catch onto his feelings. Nor does he want to share any of the guilt.]

That's fine! Don't worry about it, Inaba. I overstepped.

[He waves a hand slowly, as if he can fan the uncomfortable atmosphere away.] I'm happy just to know you, honest!

[ Guilt flashes in her eyes and she can't help but look away. Her hands clench by her sides, tight fists as they shake.

When she speaks, it's with a bit of a tremble. ]

Don't say that. It's not true.

[And he's wrong again? Atsushi can't win here. Not only did he apparently say something wrong, but he sees the guilt before she looks away. He hadn't wanted to share that with her.

Though, on a second note... He can't figure out which thing is untrue. His overstepping? Atsushi decides that must be fact; It's what prompted her to be upset. But the only other thing she could be denying is that he's happy to know her. And that's true too, isn't it? He's certainly not unhappy to know her.]

Which did I get wrong..?

[ Another deep breath in and out as she closes her eyes for a moment before finally raises her head, dark eyes serious and focused on him. ]

Why would you be happy to know someone like me? If you really knew me, I'd doubt that you would be.

[ She needs to put those walls back up. Push herself away, so she can protect herself. That way, nobody can get hurt. It's easier that way. Even if she doesn't want to. ]

[So that was what upset her. Atsushi almost files it away in his mental survival guide for Inaba, but he can't. He can't agree with her. He has the Agency and they make him feel wanted, so much so that he's defied his own logic to stay with them. He's redefining himself, enough to stand by Kyouka when everyone else said she'd be a burden. He can't change himself completely, but he can offer change to others.

So even now, he ignores logic to meet Inaba's firm gaze with his own.]

You're right. I might be hasty to make a judgment so fast. But I can't take back what I said.

[He offers a hand, as he's learned to do with many of Maine's residents.]

I'm happy to have met you. And I'm prepared to cross that bridge when I get there, if you'll let me. Inaba. [Especially now that he knows her name, Atsushi can't leave her alone.]

[ For a long while, she's quiet.

And for that moment, she debates on the single question: how can she push him away? But then she realizes that she's been hesitating. Because she's too scared, too terrified to play the 'role' that could give her just that.

Her future self had suggested it before, hadn't she?

Just... become the villain. ]

Then know this.

[ She starts, trying to steady her expression into something cold, her voice icy. It's a sharp contrast to her casual tone from earlier, and it's so abrupt that one could possibly think that there's something off about it. And they'd be right.

All she has to do here is trample on his feelings.

Then he'd leave her, wouldn't he?

He'd hate her for it, and she'd cry the moment she had a chance to be alone, but... it's for the best. That's what she believes. ]

I would never allow a beast who can't save even a single person to be a friend of mine. That kind of human doesn't even deserve to live.

[ Purposeful phrasing.

If she has to throw her heart out the window, then so be it. ]

So stop it.

[ "Stop being kind to me." ]

[Over the course of her icy declaration, Atsushi slowly lowers his arm. Where did she hear that? Was it written somewhere? Had she seen the rumors written around town? She must have seen one before and known from the moment she heard his name just what he was. No wonder she's been so uncomfortable, then. Atsushi doesn't hate her. His expression isn't one of dislike or hatred. It's briefly pained... then accepting. He feels bad for troubling her as long as he did.

His arm falls to his side. He would hurt more to hear that, if he hadn't heard it so many times before. Instead, Atsushi only feels numb and hopeless. Even his gaze drops as he nearly agrees with her.

But again. He can't. Not completely. Not after hearing her confession and knowing how much pain this person has gone through. Maybe he can't stay by her side, but he can't leave her to be alone either.]

... You're-- [right. The word almost slips out. But Atsushi, hand once offered now a clenched fist at his side, tries to keep it together. He's different.
Dazai saved him.
The Agency trusts him.
He's tried. He's trying...]

You're right. Except... It's "couldn't."

[Not can't. He's saved people now. Not enough to justify his existence, but maybe enough to change that one word. Is that too much to ask? He can't erase the nagging feeling that he's hoping for too much by suggesting it.

He can't erase her distrust either. Atsushi looks up, forcing himself to meet her gaze. She should at least know he's not angry, he decides, by seeing the look on his face.]

Vyng-san. And... and Ange-san. You can trust them. [Maybe she won't ever want to reach out to him, but he can at least offer her someone to reach out to.]

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to burden you, Inaba.

[ Ironically enough, she hadn't seen the rumors about him. And even if she had - she already knew the context behind them.

What they all meant.

If she hadn't seen it in the past, hadn't heard it all before. Her eyes are fixed on his, trying to maintain some sense of anger. It's all lies. She's a liar. She doesn't - could never possibly...

And yet, the look in his eyes, how it drops as she goes on.

She should have known better.

He's not mad. No, he's... ]

You're the same as al—

[ She stops herself mid-sentence, biting her lower lip as those words come out way too easily for her.

If he hadn't figured her out before, she's probably caught now. "You're the same as always." That's too obvious, Inaba Himeko! Did you really want him to know about that? Of course you didn't. So why -

Ah, of course.

She's a fucking idiot.

She can't pretend to be the villain when she so wholeheartedly believes that Nakajima Atsushi - no matter which one, is not a bad person. And the one in front of her... is similar enough to the ones she's met - in spite of her knowing, full well, and treating them all as their own person - that it would hurt to get too close. ]

... Sorry. [ She ducks her head, again. ] I... shouldn't have said anything.

[This time, Atsushi does fill in the final blank. But filling in the blank does not mean he understands it. "The same as always?" How can that be, when they've never met before? He knows about different worlds, but the idea of an alternate reality is still foreign.

And he has to put his own wondering out of his head. Inaba's apology sparks concern and confusion. Just a moment ago, she sounded like she hated him and wanted him gone. Now she's retracting it?

... He doesn't question it for long.]

It's not your fault. What you said was true.

[Atsushi still keeps his arms at his side. She may have retracted her hateful words, but he won't offer his hand again. He's sure that she said those things for a reason. And he's been reminded that she's right: Just as Inaba didn't want Atsushi to get to know her better, Atsushi should not want Inaba getting to know what he is. He had to learn the hard way, but now he understands why she pushed him away.]

I overstepped a boundary. I wasn't very considerate of your feelings, Inaba. So it's really me who owes you an apology.

[He should leave it there. Let her respond. Focus on her, help her, do whatever it takes to put Inaba more at ease...

But his thoughts wheel back to earlier;] "Same as..." Always?

[ ...Oh.

She can feel the self-loathing sinking into the atmosphere and that's enough for her breath to still. He says what she said earlier was true, but - no, that's wrong!! she doesn't agree!!

But of course he doesn't understand her feelings at all.

They're strangers.

And she should have treated him like such, too. But, she's a fool... she knows too much. She knows way too much, and she's certain, given his kindness, something that she's tempted to lean into, that he's the kind of person she believes he is. ]

N- No, [ Her voice is shaky and in shambles. She can't run from her lies anymore. ] That was a mistake, it can't be like that, we've never even met before...

[He's stupid, he knows. Sometimes things will go over his head. But when he hears her voice shaking like that, Atsushi can't ignore what he suspects; That there's more to her slip-up then a simple mistaken use of words. That he did hear an "always" forming. As nonsensical as that may be.]

Am I going to meet you? [He's trying to wrap his brain around this, but in a safe manner.

Did she suggest first names because they're already close?

Did Inaba know he was older not because of a hunch, but because he's told her before?

It would be unfair to suspect these things. That's the same as thinking that Inaba has been telling him lies... Yet, he can't shake this feeling anymore. Now that it's in his head, this cat can't escape his curiosity.]

... No, I guess that would be strange. Sorry. I'm being rude again.

[He shakes his head,] But if we've met and I've forgotten you, then I... [Wow, he'd be so mad at himself. Atsushi is also displeased with himself for even thinking that Inaba might have lied.]

... No.

[ She tries to steady her voice, but fails. It's hard for her to get back on her proverbial feet when she's already kicked herself down like this. He's so close to that wall that she doesn't want him to touch.

To the truth that she desperately doesn't want him to kick down.

Fingers tug at the hem of her skirt, uncomfortable as her head hangs, her expression entirely broken up. ]

Like I said before - I have never met you before. But that's why you have to stay away. Because... it's too creepy, isn't it? To have someone who you've never met know too much about you?

[The emphasis on "you" is still lost on him, but he's understanding the jest of it: Inaba has met him in some way that makes her privy to his personal information. She did know his age, she was aware of the rumor, and there's no telling what else she knows.

A hand goes to the opposite arm. Unconsciously, he thinks to hide his Ability. He considers what she's revealed, his expression more of confusion than anything. What is he supposed to feel, versus what he does feel? Atsushi has things he certainly wants kept a secret, sure, but that's because they make him detestable. If she knows already and doesn't detest him, then... Then is there a problem? Should he be bothered? She makes it sound like this should disturb him more than it does. Is he wrong?

He faces her again and shakes his head.]

It's not creepy. I guess I more wonder... "She can't know very much, or wouldn't she have left already?"

[Atsushi looks at her curiously. He wonders if she might understand him better than himself in this situation.] Does it bother you? Have I said things that make you uncomfortable..?

'Uncomfortable'...

[ Maybe for once in her life, she should be honest. She should tell the truth. If she did, wouldn't that be easier?

Eventually, she shakes her head. When she looks at him again, it's with watery eyes and a smile. ]

It does bother me. But... not in the way you'd expect. You say that I can't know very much, but that's not true. I know everything.

[ She says that with full confidence in spite of her trembling voice, fear taking over. ]

People would think - 'that's ridiculous', isn't it? 'Can you prove it?' But... it's easy, you know. Anything that's happened to you back in Yokohama, I know. [ He never said he was from Yokohama, after all. That's one piece of evidence. ] And I was selfishly trying to push you away with what I said earlier —

I thought... that maybe if I could be cruel enough, if I could truly make you my enemy, then it'd be okay. And isn't the easiest way to do that is by bringing up a dead man's words?

[Atsushi is being thrown into concerned chaos. His mind struggling to keep up with what she's saying, while also tracking how he feels about it. Everything. Everything, she says. Does that include before Yokohama? Does she know about the person that lives in his head, then? She's already implied that she knows about the beast the resides inside of him, and the violence he enacts on the world around him...

Then she says that. A key word. It could also be missed, as he's beginning to hone in on her tears rather than his feelings. But it's a word so quick and blunt that it feels like a shot.

Atsushi gives his head a very slight shake. Very slight denial. He thought his feelings on her information were confusing? What do you call the feeling when delight and horror squeeze your heart at the same time? Does that have a name? Is it right or wrong?]

'Dead' man...? [He wonders what she means. Maybe... Has he said allowed that he would kill that person? That can't be. He would never. That thought would never ever cross his mind, he would never think to harm anyone, even that anyone, he isn't like that--

No. Focus on Inaba. His breathing has become quick, but Atsushi doesn't notice he's already losing to his emotions. Compared to Inaba, Atsushi really sucks at cloaking his feelings.]

N-No... [It's his turn to speak in a shaky voice. He's lifting a hand, as if to worry about her tears, but he can't even keep his arm steady.]

No, it... It wouldn't make you my enemy. Not when it's true. You're crying, Inaba?

[Though he feels his lips moving, Atsushi no longer hears his words. Just an echo; Dead man? Dead man? Dead?]

[ The bad thing about being an analyst is the fact that it's easy for her to pick up on Atsushi's emotions - which, of course, includes his confusion.

And it's that alone that gives her an answer that she didn't expect: she fucked up. He's from a time prior to it happening. He doesn't know about it yet. ]

Ahh... if you don't know what I mean, forget about it! It's nothing!

[ There's something frantic and even a little panicked. ]

And it's not! It's not true!! And I'm not crying!

[He tells himself to let it go. Inaba's hurt by what she knows. Atsushi should be comforting her. He doesn't know how, but he should at least make an effort... And yet, those two words only echo louder and louder in his head. "Dead man." And with them, that man's voice is adding another layer to symphony that is making him feel like he might explode.

Which... He does.

Even Atsushi shudders at his own outburst;] No! Tell me what you mean!

The man who said that... He can't be! I wouldn't...!

[Maybe it's telling that he almost implicates himself. Atsushi clenches his teeth, more aware now of how he's trembling. He wouldn't. It can't be him. He's always feared that he might be the monster He accused him of being, but that doesn't mean it has to be true. And yet, that self-loathing is so deep that Atsushi's first thought is that he's to blame.

Atsushi tries to control his emotions; His rage, horror, what he wishes he could call sadness at someone's potential passing, and... and that guilty relief. At least that part, the smile, is buried under panic. For now.]

Inaba! What did I do?

[ She flinches the moment she hears the direct accusation, and even trembles at the outburst that comes with it; enough that she brings her hands to her chest.

Hearing those words from him, with that voice...

It aches.

That feeling of fear that rests in her bones. She shakes her head, even as the tears are still there, at the edges. ]

I can't-

[ Please, stop, don't ask- she wants to plead. The scene is all too clear in her memory, almost as if it were yesterday.

And for a moment, she's glad she's not in the Foundation world, where he could easily find out the answer to his questions even if she didn't say anything. Why does she want to protect him so badly? She shouldn't care, right? ]

Please, I beg you, I don't want to say it...

[ Ah - there's that realization. That even if she tried to do it, she didn't want to hurt him, in the end. But she's stupid.

Ha.

What kind of idiotic analyst makes a simple mistake like this? Stupid, moronic, Inaba Himeko. ]

... but, you - [ Her breath stills. ] You never did anything. You didn't do anything.

[ She takes a breath.

She can see him tremble and she has to be the one to do something about it, because she feels vaguely responsible for him feeling this way.

Maybe... she can try a little harder. She's Inaba Himeko, damn it. She can try a little more, for him. Which is why - even if it may be sudden, even if it might be out of scenic nowhere, she takes closer steps towards him before just pulling him into a hug.

There's purpose to this as well: given that he won't be able to transform as long as she has a hold of him. ]

Sorry... sorry, I shouldn't have said anything. I'm a fool. But please... don't ask me anymore. It would hurt you too much. I don't want to be the one to hurt you anymore. Please, I'm begging you... please stop.

[Atsushi feels a fight in him. He's almost blinded by his need to know what she's referring to, because he's just as blind to how he feels about it. Why is he accusing himself? Does he want to be the one who did it? He can't shake that feeling, which horrifies him more than the idea of that person dying.

He's sickened by himself. Is this how it's going to be, then? That man, the Director, will die... and in his death, prove everything ugly about Atsushi's heart? That deep down, he was someone who did wish to enact harm on another... He's someone taking solace and maybe delight in another person's death, isn't he? He's not kind. He's not thoughtful. He's not able to turn that "can't" into "couldn't."]

It wasn't me...? [Why doesn't that make him feel better? Why isn't he relieved?

Why does that make his eyes the ones that are watering?

The next sound he makes is a startled gasp when Inaba hugs him. He hadn't realized how hard his cruel heart was racing until he's worrying about Inaba being comfortable. She was right earlier, when she wanted to avoid him for being a beast. He's hurt her.]

... Y-yeah. Stop. I'll stop.

[How does he do that? He isn't even sure what to do with his arms. Does he hug her back? When he gives hugs, he's never thought hard about it. And they've usually been based in happiness or relief. Atsushi doesn't want to touch her right now, when he feels like he's nothing but claws and curses. He doesn't want her sad either. Making Inaba so sad that she calls herself a 'fool' only proves what the Director would say. In fact, Atsushi's pretty sure He's standing behind him. Saying it right now.

Ah. He's not dead after all, is he?]

Sorry... I'm okay. You didn't... It's not your fault.

Don't lie to me.

[ She doesn't let go of him. In fact, his weak and pathetic apology makes her tighten the hug even more. Because she feels absolutely terrible, absolutely horrified at herself for allowing things to get this far, for allowing him to hurt in this way.

But even if she's an idiot in some ways, she can fix her mistakes. ]

It's okay... to not be okay, Atsushi.

[ Perhaps she can go back to being the Inaba Himeko that can support others. ]

No matter what other people say, and this is... hilarious coming from me, after I lied, but I will never see you as a monster.

[ There's a firm confidence in her words. Like she's assured this is the truth, even if he might not believe her, much less trust in those few words. If any gods existed in this world, she would pray to let the meaning behind her words reach him.

She would wish for nothing more.

He might believe that he doesn't deserve such kindness from her, after she's cried like this and hurt so bad that her heart it nearly in shreds, but that doesn't matter to her. It isn't important. ]

It was my mistake this time, so... I'm sorry. Really. I mean it, Atsushi.

[Is he really lying, though? Because he should be okay. Inaba just told him that it ends. It's supposed to end when you die, right? And Atsushi wasn't going to be the one to die, not ever, so it had to be the headmaster.

But it doesn't feel over.

He takes a sharp yet shaky breath in when she says what he fears: That it's okay not to be okay. It's like she can read his denial. She really does know everything about him, but it isn't creepy. It's comforting.]

You don't know that. [There's an automatic mumble when she says he isn't a monster. She may know everything else, but she can't read his mind. She doesn't know what kinds of thoughts are going through his head right now. Hideous thoughts, where he isn't even sad that someone died.

But he's still not sure what to say to her. Well, what to really say. Atsushi does start by very lightly, very hesitantly, putting one arm around her. The most half-hearted of attempts to comfort himself. It's almost an experiment, really, because Atsushi isn't used to giving or receiving positive physical contact at all. He doesn't deserve it. The effort is so light that it's almost as ghostly as the voice filtering through his head. One that is fading as he clings to Inaba's voice instead.

He takes another deep breath. Calmer now. At least not in a state where he would hound her for more answers.]

Thank you.

[ She might not be a mind reader, but she sure as hell can come certainly close.

That's what happens when you know too much, after all; when you're able to see everything, even how a person thinks.

And Inaba herself - well. She can't say that she doesn't sympathize with the thought, when she's had those horrible, terrible thoughts.

'This sucks. God, I'm trash.'

'Then again... I guess anything's better than letting her get too close to a monster like me.

'A monster like her was better off spending the rest of her days hiding out in her room with the lights off.

They were out of her league.'

But she takes a deep breath, trying to cool those thoughts, push them at the back of her mind. No, she's not like that. People care about her a lot, after all. Even if she's alone here, she still has those kind memories that allow her to connect to others.

And more than that... she can use them to connect with him.

Even if the thought of that is selfish. ]

I do know. Or, well... maybe I'm just being presumptuous. But the Atsushi that I knew always tried to protect me. And even when I knew about the tiger, even though I was scared...

... I always wanted to help.

[ That hasn't changed, even now. She still does want to help. After all, isn't that why she's decided to use her nullification in this way in spite of how much she's despised supernatural abilities? ]

I still want to. If I have to, I'll figure out a way to kick the ass of the voice that torments you. Even if it means I have to hold you like this the whole time, or I have to tell an embarrassing story. I'll do it.

[She even knows that. And Atsushi is so shocked to hear it that he snaps to attention, nearly shouting in preemptive fright, because he can't believe she knows about that voice. He can't imagine anyone ever understanding, so he wonders if the headmaster is physically there; Standing in front of him, behind her, actually present. In expecting to see someone there, he is denying for a moment that she could understand. The only explanation would be that man physically being there and yet--

Atsushi sees nothing.

The voice really is in his head. Inaba really does understand what lives there.

He relaxes again. Or at least, he tries to. It's hard to shake the fear is he just inflicted on himself.]

You don't need to. [In mentioning her hold on him, Inaba brings it properly to his consciousness. He stares beyond her, sorting through the mess of emotions that have fallen to the wayside during his initial outburst. Before this, he was trying to keep Inaba from being alone. He had expected she was about to leave. How the tides have turned in that regard. Now she's holding onto him and comforting him---

Oh. She's holding onto him. Where's his hand? This is improper--!

Atsushi loosens his already pathetically loose grip on her. As he's coming down from his panic and anger, he's landing in a pit of shame and embarrassment. At least the new emotion is powerful enough to smother whatever remained of the old. Perhaps it's not healthy to bury one's confused grief, but since when Atsushi good at mental health?

He's unaware that this is his own escapist tactic. He's giving her permission to stop comforting him, because he doesn't know how to be comforted.]

You really don't need to. Sorry. I don't notice.

JULY 2020 TEST DRIVE MEME

STICKS AND STONES

MAY BREAK MY BONES

BUT WORDS STILL HURT LIKE HELL

Character Arrival

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cw vague mentions of abuse because of atsushi's past why this

cw child abuse will be everywhere soon

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wow who made this icon thnx

fingerguns

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