texts from last night (in deerington)

[suchmiracles]

TEXTS FROM LAST NIGHT

INSTRUCTIONS:

▶ Post a top level with a handful of randomly generated texts from TFLN (cw: very nsfw) AND/OR write texts that your character might have sent after a long night at the Hair of the Dog/studying at the library/hanging out at the drive in/beating zombies at roller derby etc. The more ridiculous and messy the better!

▶ Reply to other people's texts, assuming your character received one either through misfire or on purpose! They can be game canon or not, it's up to you (though they can't count for AC)!

▶ Have fun, stay chill, enjoy some silliness!

Comments

Skye

[morethan084]

1) Just threw up outside the liquor store...I’m pretty sure that’s some sort of distress signal

2) Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...

3) Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me Valium. Go tell the captain it’s time to set sail.

Richard Strand

[imarealistnotacynic]

1. If I'm locked in my office and you hear the sounds of Johnny Cash that's your signal to go away, I'm brooding.

2. One of my students said I was a hard ass professor. I pointed out it was because I row regularly and do squats. He gave me a strange think.

3. Why did I wake up with eight pots of beans on my stove?

2

[thenewkidontheblock]

thats actually a really good come back

Wrench | Fargo TV

[wwrench]

1. There may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check.

2. Now we're hate-flirting, damn it.

3. Feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Fiat or a Mini Cooper or something.

4. Did you guys just have three-hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time.

5. We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a guy in the hand with a fork.

1

[sleight_of_fate]

Knives in my bed? Is that something that happens a lot, or is this a special message?

Kurt Wagner | Marvel 616

[suchmiracles]

1. on the ride home you kept trying to tell me about winning a pumpkin carving contest by flashing the judges, but you couldn't remember whether or not it worked. I can't stop thinking about that.

2. I really don't think there's a German word for that. it also sounds physically impossible.

3. you got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess. who am I to argue?

4. I definitely just saw a garden gnome running down the street being chased by a cat.

5. you meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2am.

5

[sleight_of_fate]

Absolutely. Then again, 2am and naked in a hot tub is awesome in general. Also, vodka.

Wesker

[subject_013]

1. They just told me I can't wear my sunglasses in the lab.

2. Why is the fan on in my bathroom (Sub-text: Is there a ghost?)

3. Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying housewives who won't shut up that Hart Mart is haunted?

3 cause i love wesker but was late to the welcome party

[not_so_hollow]

hell no

hypothetically speaking, I think it'd be better if it was straight up shouted at em

Lucille Sharpe | Crimson Peak

[blackmothwings]

1. We almost died tonight. We almost die every night, but tonight was the closest by far.

2. I just had a ten minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?

3. You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.

4. I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. I'd also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see.

5. All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better".

4

[sleight_of_fate]

I think you got the wrong person but I kinda wanna see that bruise now

Rhys | Original

[sleight_of_fate]

1. I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet

2. I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants. Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.

3. awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?

4. Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.

5. also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.

clarisse la rue | riordan

[laruetheday]

1. What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion

2. Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?

3. Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.

3

[survivalthroughhate]

I understand this means war. Pick your weapon and meet me at dawn.

Grady Numbers | Fargo (TV)

[dividingline]

1. But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally" get peed on?

2. Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.

3. Came home and there are a lot of dildos on the sink. Really quite a lot. In so many colors.

4. Just make sure I look cute passed out on the couch.

2.

[howlett]

Can it be your wedding present?

Carlos | Welcome to Nightvale

[the_scientist]

1. You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.

2. Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.

3. I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better.

4. Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision

5. Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day

3

[embodier]

i usually prefer beer, but i won't turn my nose up at shitty boozy punch

Logan | Marvel 616

[howlett]

1. hey. just wanted to tell you im sorry.
i haven’t done anything yet but i’m planning on doing some drinking later.

2. didn't sleep. it's hard to tell if someone's getting laid or getting murdered around here.

3. i found stockings and a pair of six inch heels under the bed. i'm not mad. i just wanna know who's legs i should be picturing in fishnets.

4. if you’re mad at me make a fist and do something about it. i wouldn’t know where to start guessing.

5. for the last time stop calling me daddy.

Tim Stoker

[alongkayakingtrip]

1. Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.

2. Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick

3. he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"

4. NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE

4

[labyrinthinedark]

do i need to bail you out of somewhere...?

Arthur | Inception (AU)

[specifiercity]

1. I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.

2. there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.

3. Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.

4. Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.

5. Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything

ronan lynch ( the raven cycle )

[embodier]

1. i just threw up blood, and also just remembered i got hit in the ribs with a 2 by 4
2. she's riding a bike down the street and drinking from a brown bottle
there's a car honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
3. woke up with a small purple striped unicorn in my bed, how was your night?
4. are you still at the devil's house?
5. you were wearing a onesie that looked like a daisy, how drunk do YOU think you were?

3

[labyrinthinedark]

... is the unicorn alive?
or a toy?

my night did not involve unicorns

gee // changeling: the lost

[labyrinthinedark]

1. We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles

2. She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."

3. This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?

4. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.

1

[sleight_of_fate]

Sounds like a first class hookup to me. Is it a good plant?

Orpheus | Hadestown

[themuseabandonsyou]

1: That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar?

2: We went out. I got lost. Dunno where they were. They slept in the car. I slept in an outdoor shower. I dont know anything else.

3: [ A seven minute voicemail message consisting solely of him playing Oasis's Wonderwall. It's an extremely good cover but he gets a little confused somewhere around the second chorus and that's why it's seven minutes long. ]

3

[laruetheday]

SHUUUUUUUT
UUUUUUUUUUUP

Darth Maul | Star Wars

[survivalthroughhate]

1. Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.

2. I'm just going to wait until I don't feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me.

3. We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.

4.You're one hell of a depraved bastard. I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.

5. Text him!

3

[morethan084]

...Hopefully?

Who is this?

Shiro Dorito Space Dad

[shiro2hero]

1) you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"

2) was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?

3) Just opened the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. it was the Betties. I want to die.

4) you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger

5) (obligatory misfire text) Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my butt? I'm asking you because I figure with an butt like yours you're probably experienced.

3

[the_scientist]

so what I'm hearing is
never answer the door in my underwear
under any circumstances

Ben Hanscom

[thenewkidontheblock]

1) - its an emergency, guys, i need a jar of peanut butter, four 2x4s, soft rope and a staple gun. asap

2) - i fed him sugar cubes from my hand.
he slobbers.
its kind of gross.

3) - it's that kind of thing where you vomit in the back of your throat but your too scared to let it out so it falls back in and its just really gross so you feel like doing it again.

4) - bounced my head off a wall at the club house
i got my horns stuck in the wall again
it kinda sucks
how does one deal with this?

5) - [Text him]

4

[survivalthroughhate]

That's definitely a sign you've let them grow too long.

Zed Martin

[atoughbird]

1=- I drew a picture of him with out realizing it. By time i was done i realized he was completely nude. This is my life.

2=- Two bottles of whiskey found. I have shot glasses too. Care for a drink?

3=- But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have.

4=- remember the saying "bad choices make good memories"? I'm pretty sure you don't remember your bad choices.

5=- [Text Her]

Varian

[droptheious]

1. I demand visitation hours with the duck.

2. I just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.

3. I'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.

4. All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"

1

[threelayers]

Denied.

[yep. Just that. There was no duck. This was a misfire, and she was trolling him.]

Louis

[teamfun]

1. I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.

2. SHE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.

3. I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you

4. Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.

4

[blackmothwings]

Did you try to drown it?

Fern

[laminae]

1. i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"

2. no fireworks. throwing the old microwave off the deck

3. i just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. i hope your day is going better than his

1

[not_so_hollow]

...how and why, though?

Sasha James | The Magnus Archives

[kaleeopee]

1. I think/hope Tim is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....

2. Tell me you're alive. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.

3. What's wrong with me. I have a coffee mug of wine in the library and I'm doing paperwork.

3;

[poorlydied]

don’t worry about it i’m pretty sure gertrude drank wine out of a cat mug when she worked at the institute and the archives are in great shape

Ichigo Kurosaki | Bleach

[not_so_hollow]

[1.] I think I died a long time ago.

[2.] We're hate flirting, damnit.

[3.] I think/hope Inoue is drunk. She's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....

[4.] awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?

[5.] I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.

2

[waitatick]

Are we? Fine. You're terrible in many ways etcetera etcetera. Coitus?