TEXTS FROM LAST CHAPTER

[shiro2hero]

you know what to do

aka Texts From Last Night - Deerington Style

Comments

Ruby Rose | RWBY

[onekindsoul]

1. She agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no girl does that for a girl she’s not seriously considering marrying.

2. I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole

Put me down for a bogey

3. Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?

4. There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises. Do you think my uncle got turned into a kid?

4

[royalfling]

Is it your uncle or one of the Pines kids........?

Shiro | Space Lions

[shiro2hero]

1) I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world - INCLUDING mother superior

2) I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in the jacuzzi. There's noodles everywhere Allura's old bathroom.

3) You texted me "Betties are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.

4) found a hand written receipt for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it

5) well I tackled them when they were going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. in my defense it was also in October

3

[onekindsoul]

Turns out the Betties don't think a chicken coop with flames painted on it is a great look for the neighborhood.

It got kind of chaotic.

Mako | legend of ex-girlfriend

[arclightning]

1. Working lines include: "Guess this early bird really did get the worm." Or what about "Don't forget to bring catnip." You know, since the cats are jail? That one's a work in progress.

2. I was not wrong. I am always right. Forgot why I had to send this. It seemed relevant.

3. update not all alcohol burns do not attempt repeat not worth it

4. Assuming this blood smear is a town thing but in case it's not, checking in: status update? Are you alive?

5. I don't know how else to tell him that egging things with the important-fate eggs is a bad idea. It just IS. That's a fact. Why is this hard?

5.

[onekindsoul]

...I may have thrown one of mine at Glitch's window.

You're talking to the wrong person here.

Melius Senyan | Skyrim (oc)

[fusrodaaaah]

1) I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping

2) There is someone in the library hissing. Not a typo. Hissing. Like a very angry saber cat. or a dragon.

3) alchemy party turned 19 hour search and rescue on the mountain. : (

4) I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.

3

[droptheious]

Did we or did we NOT get the cool root we wanted? The rest is just... texture. Neither of us died, that's a win!

Makoto Kino | Sailor Moon

[thunderingcourage]

1. You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???

2. Heard him continue to brag about how it didn't count as cheating if she didn't know. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her everything.

3. It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...

4. Why were you covered in frosting?

4

[onerthes]

I was attempting to be spontaneous, Makoto.
The frosting applier might have also exploded and I'm trying to convince someone to lick it off me.

Wu || Legend of Korra

[royalfling]

1. We should write a parody song: "Eggcellect Democracy"

2. woke up, covered in cupcakes, with a note that said "the cupcake army won"

3. I'm texting you the phrase "noodle juice" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.

4. THERE'S ANOTHER BODY IN THE HOT TUB

5. Update: might be back in the neighbors' good graces. No one's vandalized Bolin's statue in a week!

2

[arclightning]

Wow. Two coups in one lifetime, huh? That's rough.

Fern | Adventure Time

[laminae]

1. i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?

2. UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE DEER PINATA WITH A SWORD

3. i have 13 missed calls from when i slept outside on some rocks

4. i was watching Julia Child and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets

1

[arclightning]

Yes. I am. How hard was it to hold back?

Winter Schnee | RWBY

[winter_bestowed]

1. Rather than putting my name in guys phones, I just text 90999 to donate $10 to Mantle and then give it back to them.

2. I would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend for details.

3. Stop introducing me to people as your future sister.

4. He literally forgot my name and just started calling me "Frosty".

5. You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you could make.

2.

[onekindsoul]

SHE TOLD YOU!?

I CAN'T HELP IT! I WANT THE DEETS!

Chloe Price | Life is Strange I DO WHAT I WANT

[tagartist]

1. The town of Deerington is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks

2. weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize

3. This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?

4. I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.

3

[arclightning]

Extremely bad idea, but I am working tonight so if he starts getting weird just... blink and give me a signal or something. Tap your fingers three times.

Varian | Tangled

[droptheious]

1. All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better".

2. Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being.

3. Did you do drunk science last night? There's tequila in my test tubes...

4. This is a dangerous game of "who's life is more pathetic".

5. I'm sorry about all of the inappropriate shoe-throwing.

1

[laminae]

i mean i say that about swords all the time
there's got to be SOMETHING out there where that's true
maybe it's fire

Vira-Lorr | Record of Agarest War

[onerthes]

1) The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes

2) You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???

3) What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.

4) Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?

4.

[laminae]

yes




i mean
depends on the cat
are we talking a Box Kingdom citizen or one of the cops or what

Larxene | Kingdom Hearts (It's a Meme, she's back by unpopular demand)

[trancheuse]

1) If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.

2) You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.

3) I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”

4) Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife

1

[subject_013]

There are at least four alternate versions of me out there. Unfortunately, all of the known versions are male, and I prefer the company of females in the rare times that I have an itch that wants scratching.

Neopolitan | RWBY

[threelayers]

1) Let the record show that I hate your ass.

2) had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.

3) I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy

4) I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.

2

[droptheious]

We're all very proud of you for doing vaguely the right thing.

Albert Wesker / Bad Neighbors (Hey, other people did series nicknames)

[subject_013]

1. It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!

2. Hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time.

3. Let the record show that I hate your ass.

Albus Dumbledore | Harry Potter/Fantastic Beasts

[chambermusicandtenpins]

1. I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.

2. Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle

3. You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience

3.

[borntolove]

Not the first but an experience

Huntress (Helena Bertinelli) | Birds of Prey

[crossbow_killer]

1.Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow

2. I just talked comic books with a cop. We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.

3. I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.

Jezebel Disraeli | Godchild/The Cain Saga

[delilahs_death]

1. I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.

2. If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab

3. Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.

Jack Harkness / Bisexual Spook Hunters In Cardiff

[51stcenturyjack]

1. She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs

2. i'll shag you during the next apocalypse. promise

3. You're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.

[borntolove]

How many apocalypses have you been too then? Asking for a friend

Usagi Tsukino || Sailor Moon

[lightthedarkness]

1. ...and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of Oreos by myself in the Hart Mart parking lot

2. She gave me a ride on the back of her motorcycle and I swooned so hard!

3. You left me a note that said "The Dream is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF!?

4. You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything. Nothing good was going to come from that.

5. This is your post surviving October in Deerington Party survival text. This a free and complimentary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond and I'll see you in a week. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.

2

[charlastan]

LOOK YOU'RE A NICE KID SO SOMEBODY OUGHTA WARN YOU

DO NOT DATE BIKERS. NO MATTER HOW MUCH THEY MAKE YOU SWOON. THEY'RE NOT WORTH THE TROUBLE!!

Dipper Pines | Gravity Falls

[ghostharasser]

[1.] I'm just saying, of all the bodily sacrifices in this place, we are one torso away from forming some kind of horrible flesh golem and not enough people are talking about it.

[2.] On a scale of burned cookies to having to bury my own dead body, how bad is it?

[3.] You mean the prom was HAUNTED and I MISSED IT? UUugggghhhh

[4.] What are the moral ramifications of doing a blood sacrifice for a good cake pan, asking for a friend.

[5.] text him!!

1.

[charlastan]

WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT IT BECAUSE YOUR SISTER AND YOUR OTHER GRUNKLE WILL GET IDEAS

Stan Pines | Gravity Falls

[charlastan]

1. YOU JUMPED INTO SO MANY BUSHES FOR NO REASON.

2. I DON'T HAVE THE MONEY TO GET A CAST SO WE MADE ONE FROM STUFF AT THE CRAFT STORE!

3. THAT'S THE LAST TIME WE TURN JEOPARDY INTO A DRINKING GAME.

4. GUESS WHAT!!! I FIGURED OUT THE BUTTON THAT TEXTS THE WHOLE TOWN AT ONCE - COME TO THE MURDER HUT AT THE CORNER OF ROUTE 7 AND CHASTAIN WAY!!! TAKE A TOUR BUY SOME KEYCHAINS YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO!!!!!

5. Or text him!

1

[laminae]

wow no i had a great reason
bushes are comfy

The Tenth Doctor | Who's on First

[borntolove]

1. Why are you so horny?

2. You're all absolutely brilliant, you lot, are.

3. Always bring a banana to a party.

4. In the great grand scheme of the multiverse. Remember your existence matters.

5. Have you seen my sonic screwdriver?

6. Text him!

Luz Noceda | The Owl House

[imaglyphwitch]

[1] I just saw the best scary movie ever! Completely unrelated, who borrowed my night light?

[2] Owlbert seems really skeeved out whenever you're around. Got something you want to tell me?

[3] Woo, that was one crazy, crazy night! Why do I have "running with the wolves" stuck in my hea-WHAT HAPPENED TO MY ROOM?!

[4] Going to eat a buttload of spicy stuff to see which of us cry first! Are you game?!

[5] Text her!

(Darth Maul) | Star Wars

[survivalthroughhate]

1. Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.

2. Moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone.

3. Life rule: don't put your dick in the general vicinity of mental instability.

4. You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to its mom now.