soddersays | texts from last night (in deerington)

texts from last night (in deerington)

TEXTS FROM LAST NIGHT

INSTRUCTIONS:

▶ Post a top level with a handful of randomly generated texts from TFLN (cw: very nsfw) AND/OR write texts that your character might have sent after a long night at the Hair of the Dog/studying at the library/dealing with the heatwave/watching trials while eating popcorn etc. The more ridiculous and messy the better!

▶ Reply to other people's texts, assuming your character received one either through misfire or on purpose! They can be game canon or not, it's up to you (though they can't count for AC)!

▶ Have fun, stay chill, enjoy some silliness!

Threaded | Flat

1. i knew there was a reason i always hated fucking teddy bears

2. staying with everyone all packed together is kind of like those sleepovers from when i was a kid, but with way more guns

3. can we put the BEAR on trial for being a little shit, is that an actual option?

1. I don't think I've ever dealt with heat like this before, and I have conjured actual firestorms before.

2. This is going to result in more dead people than when we all fell off the side of the Titanic, isn't it?

3. I suppose it's nice that everyone is too concerned with their own rumors to particularly worry about anyone else's. Neat little way to backfire, really.

1. I really am so very glad I have never pretended to be a good person in this place. Makes it much easier now that everyone's dirty laundry is on display.

2. Did you know poisonous skin can wear through the inside lining of leather gloves? I didn't until now!

3. Now that we're all literally being punished for our sins, I wonder if people will be more open to my 'this place is secretly hell' theory?

1. ok no offense but how is anyone even REMOTELY chill here is the sex just that good

2. this went bad. everyone is crying, i dont know why and i am really uncomfortable.

3. the security code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card its the one good thing ive got going for me

4. i'm like one bad day away from mcfreaking losing it man i'm talking the full magneto minus the dorky helmet

its too hot for helmets

5. im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming surgery on myself.

6. might've committed murder? i can't remember the details between bouts of puking and pepto bismol blood i honestly dont know where one ends and the other begins

1. I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.

2. Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg

3. I want to own their dicks and all the attachments

4. We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.

1. I just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.

2. last night I found myself searching "Maine public nudity laws" so that's pretty much how things are going for me right now

3. I have a voicemail on my phone from you that's just you singing In The Air Tonight and "doing a wicked drum solo". did you have fun last night?

4. [ Just a selfie of his butt. It's a pretty good selfie, the tail makes getting a decent angle a lot easier. ]

5. I can explain everything except the sword and the cock ring. no wait I just remembered I can explain the sword.

6. Wildcard - text him!

1. Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept

2. I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.

3. Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.

4. somebody snuck up and got me drunk

1. I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard

2. me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.

3. I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.

4. text her!

1. should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?

2. well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.

3. We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than having sleepovers with your roommate.

4. text her!

Edited 2020-07-14 14:29 (UTC)

1. just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can roar at my neighbors

2. He just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didn't lose his cowboy hat. winner.

3. Totally just locked myself outside of the house. Not my week.

4. text her!

01. if you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position licking frozen bacon... don't ask
02. then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said "you are sooo drunk". how's that hangover treating you this morning?
03. I blame everything on you. my broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
04. talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night
05. [ text him! ]

1) I want to be a better wingman. I'm great at talking her up but then they think we're married. Luring them in with my chest only gets me so far. The things I do for friendship.

2) Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.

3) Mystery solved: The chair is broken because we had sex on it last night.

4) He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated

5) I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Is everyone accounted for?

1. Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.

2. currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"

3. Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.

4. I've found my dream guide. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.

5. just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live

01. I cannot sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.

02. I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a "big glass" for his 151 and coke.

03. I know I hit you with my car, but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.

04. Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.

01 ✽ We're just here in the kitchen and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I don't know which I'm more attracted to.

02 ✽ You tried to put your coat in the microwave...

03 ✽ As I was walking away, he opened the door...I fell down and played dead. Definitively didn't see me. (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧

04 ✽ I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big.

1. I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.

2. I just got attacked by a massive stuffed animal. Nothing is okay anymore.

3. Do you know what's exhausting? Borderline mind-reading is exhausting.

4. text her!

one ) We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?

two ) I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.

three ) She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy.

1: I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed

2: I keep walking around town wondering if anyone is as high as I am

3: I'd suck a dick for hot wings right now. A metaphorical dick that is

4: What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...

5: My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life

wildcard: text him!

Edited 2020-07-14 19:44 (UTC)

1. yer always welcome to drop by but i won't promise to have pants on.

2. some of us are living proof that a man can live to a hundred and not have learned a damn thing.

3. anger. apathy. nihilism. it's all the same after the liquors gone.

4. didn't you hear? i'm sick. send nudes.

5. text him

1. I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hot tub with a dead man. Yet.

2. The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller. It's like she knows me.

3. Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.

4.Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...

5. Text him!

i. my stalker sent me an erotic poem. who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?

ii. thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.

iii. what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?

1. Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.

2. why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?

1. I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone

2. I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.

3. Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing

1. Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.

2. I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.

3. he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.

4. [TEST HIM! Misfires welcome.

1; If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice

2; I didn't realise we were having a competition in poor decision making skills

3; I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.

4; If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.

Threaded | Flat

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